First things first

After waking up on Friday morning, Billy got on his way to work.. and I told him I would go and get the blood work done.  So I wandered around the apartment for about an hour, trying to figure out how to get this done quickly, and then it hit me. 

I just happened to be on speaking terms with my father at the time, and his wife, had a sister who worked for a doctor.  So I called and talked to her.  I explained the situation to her and so she called the lab and sent over the order to get the test done.  Being that she was expediting this process for me.. I would be able to get the answer today.  So, I get up and drive into the lab and they take my blood.  I go home and wait for the call. Two hours later, she calls and says.. yes honey you are pregnant.  I was totally stunned.  She went over what I needed to do in signing up for assistance and all that.  When I finally came around, I said, well how far along am I? She said that this was just a yes or no test but there was one I could get that could give them a rough idea.  So I got back in the car and drove back over to the lab... and get that done.  Before the end of the day, she calls back and tells me.. that I am roughly 11/12 weeks going by my numbers.  I had no idea at the time what beta's were or HCG levels or where they should be.. all I knew was they were 50K +.. and I was absolutely, positively pregnant. 

 
So, I called Billy and let him know that it was a definite and told him I would be going to sign up for assistance, (which btw, killed his soul, because he wanted to be the big provider, and he couldn't at this juncture of our lives).  He agreed and I sat back and enjoyed my last cigarette. 

First thing that following Monday morning, I got myself up and started making calls.  First to the health department and then to a few friends.  I talked with my friends for a bit, and they were thrilled for me, but also shocked.  I told them we would be moving up the wedding day to sometime in the next few weeks.  For some reason, I decided I would tell my father and step mother first, because I knew they would be happy for me, which they were.  So we set up a night to go over and eat and I bought little baggies of baby goodies and handed to them.  The next big feat would be telling my mother, cause I knew she would be devastated.  But in the devastating kind of way that it didn't happen in the order in which it was supposed to happen.

I was over at her house doing laundry, and I was about done, and I wanted to set up a dinner with her also and go about telling her in the same fashion, but she kept on going why? Then she said to me, 'You're not pregnant are you?" and I said.. well yes I am and thanks for taking away from me.. me being able to tell you properly.  She cried and cried... and I got pissed and yelled.  I told her at least I wasn't her teenager coming and telling her that, I was a 24 year old woman who is with her future husband and we are having a child! Get over the order already!! Well,,needless to say.. that dinner didn't happen. 

I called one of my friends and got a reference for an obgyn, and went about making an appointment with him.  They couldn't get me in till the second week of December.  So I get to wait some more. I still have no real good idea of how far along I was and that was killing me not to know! 

I guess I should probably say that I am in school full time when this happens, and don't finish up my spring semester till a couple weeks before I am due. So I continue on going to school, keeping a little secret to myself.  We pick a day for our marriage in the process.. December 22nd. 

My appointment finally rolls around and we go in and meet the nurse practitioner, who is absolutely wonderful! She proceeds to do a vaginal ultrasound and we immediate see the circimference of the head, she measures and says.. well you are measuring at 13 weeks.  Your due date is roughly June 19th.  So knowing that now, I ask.. well when did I conceive? Since my period played tricks on me.. we couldn't go by my last one... and she said approximately mid september!

Now, if you will recall, I took THREE tests after conception and they were negative. So apparently I don't get along very well with home pregnancy tests, at least not till I am three months along!!

We left the office still in shock.  I had managed to miss the entire first trimester without even a tiny symptom of pregnancy.  Little did I know that would come back with avengence.  Almost overnight. 

Uhh honey... come here for a minute please.....

January 26th, 1998. The day the love of my life moved in with me and my roommate. Total bliss. No more long distance relationship..no more waiting till the weekend to see his face. No, now I could see it every single day. That made me so incredibly happy. Up to this point the longest we had been apart was nine days. Those nine days were the ones leading up to his move, while he was working out his notice at his previous job. He worked, and I went to school. School, being the reason he came to me instead of me going to him... he came down to me so that I could finish up school. We had a nice little two bedroom apartment. By looking at this complex you would never be able to tell it was income based. Our rent before him was 56 bucks .. and after him at his new job was 109 bucks. Yeah.. he made THAT much money!! NOT! But I wasn't complaining. I had food to eat and all the necessities needed for living. Who could complain when they get to wake up with their soulmate every day? I could have cared less we were beyond broke.

During those first few months, there was that day he asked me to marry him. We decided that should happen in May of next year. May 22nd. The 22 was a significant number.. it came about by adding the date of the first time we talked, the 2nd, his birthday the 1st and my birthday the 19th. Voila!

I want to preface this story by giving a little background info on me.. personal things.. that you will realize are significant. Ever since I got my period when I was 14, it has not been regular. My "normal" cycle ran in three month increments, so every three months I would get my visitor,,Aunt Flo (AF-who will also be referred to in a feminine context throughout). The only time I had regular 28 day cycles were when I was on the pill.... until... around the time I met Billy. Before our meeting.. under tremendous stress from a current relationship she had disappeared on me for six months. When that ended, she gave me reprieve and came around. During the first six months of my relationship with Billy she slowly started to become more regular. Now I don't know if my body was adjusting to having eradicated the previous stressors or it was the fact that I had been living with another female for a good while. You women will know what I mean by this..having come into same/similar cycles with close friends that spend a lot of time together. I don't know if it was one or the other or a combo of the two.. or neither. Either way, I was happy about it. Ironically enough, by the time Billy moved in, I was like clockwork.. until July....

July.. that was the month everything went awry. My roommate was moving out and going all the way up the east coast to be with her man. She left on the 26th.. and the day before I had started. Someone knew that I would have a need to remember this date. AF came and went per usual.

August.. this month came and went and during the second week of September, I realized AF was missing. Hmm,, where could she be hiding? I didn't give it much more thought than that. I just assumed I was probably going back to being a three month-er. Since Billy was aware of my history with her, he didn't panic.. yet.

Closing out September, still no worries on my part.. but Billy on the other hand was getting a bit antsy. So he asked me to take a test.. to pee on the stick.. and,, I did. I sat there waiting for the lines to show .. or not show.. and when time was up, I turned to look .. it was negative. Just as I had figured it would be. Billy sighed a breath of relief.

October has arrived! Still no sign of her. We kept busy with the Jaycees Haunted House and its preparation. Before we knew it her arrival time was approaching and one of her warning signs were those bulbous zits you get on your face that just swell and are sore.. well I had two hidden beneath the makeup. I was sure she would arrive as scheduled. Well.. what's your prediction? If you guessed she showed.. you would be wrong. AF is still MIA. Second test, still negative.

So I was a guide for the Haunted House and had a blast doing it! But apparently I caught a bug from someone that proceeded to make me sick as a dog! This illness takes us into November and it seems the entire first week of that month I barely got off the couch. At the onset of my sickness Billy prompted me to take yet another test.. I obliged him,, donated more urine to the cause.. and we have a third.. negative test. On one of those days of feeling like a big blob of nothing sunk into the couch near the end of the illness.. cause you know it gets worse before it gets better.. another week had gone by.. and Billy was really REALLY wanting me to take another test. He was just convinced that something was going on and we HAVE to rule out pregnancy. So, that night when he got home from work, he handed me the test and I waited till I had the urge, then dragged myself up off the couch to go pee on ANOTHER stick. Again, as I sat there waiting for those lines,, expecting the same results ,, I looked over when time was up and saw TWO dark lines.. I stood up, picked it up and analyzed it. Then the words "uhh honey,, come here for a minute please.." were uttered. He slowly walked into the bathroom and then his eyes widened to the size of saucers. Then the "Oh shit! What are we gonna do?" came tumbling out of his mouth. I said well first off, a blood test to confirm this isn't a faulty test.

We made our way back to the living room where I, still in disbelief, lit up a smoke. We both just sat there staring at the wall. I turned toward him and said, " I know what we said we would do if this happened, but I can't, now I know that,, I simply can't". He nodded. Finally after what seemed an eternity, I said, we'll just take it as it comes, and go from there. First thing in the morning I will call about the blood test. We finally got up and went to bed, both staring into space.